Rapture 2025

Most recently, the rapture was supposed to happen on the 25th of September. In a video that went viral, pastor Josh claimed he saw Jesus in a vision. One of his flock said she could read people, and Pastor Josh was 100% telling the truth. 

Jesus is coming, she said, whether we’re ready or not. 

I’m inclined to believe them, because I’m pretty sure I saw Jesus on Hixson Pike yesterday. She was in front of Target, right there at the intersection, surrounded by all her earthly belongings and holding a sign that said, “hungry.”

Then I saw Jesus again at Stove Works last night, reading her manifesto and declaring, in no uncertain terms, that her gorgeous, fleshy body belonged to her – no one else.

Pastor Josh is 100% on to something, because anyone can see Jesus is the CEO at the food bank, who tells me she’s not sleeping and won’t anytime soon, regardless of what happens with SNAP benefits, because grocery prices are up another 2.7% and food insecurity is higher than it’s been in 15 years.

Jesus is the mother in the food bank line, bearing shame and hunger in equal measure.

Jesus is the woman at La Paz collecting baby formula and Maseca.

Jesus is the little boy at La Paz, worrying that his mother’s trip to the grocery store will result in permanent family separation.

Jesus is the smiling barista; the aging writer with the Santa hat and hearing aids. Jesus is my six-year-old BFF, stealing the show at the Thanksgiving recital. Jesus is my friend, Michelle.

It gets harder. 

Because Jesus is also your uncle at the Thanksgiving table, with a turkey leg in one fist and vitriol in the other, harping on about how – soon – he’ll be a minority in his own country.

Jesus is the young man who shot decorated bullets into the Christian firebrand right in front of God and everyone.

Jesus is the Christian firebrand, father of three, fearful of black pilots. Dead, now. 

Jesus is the black pilots.

Jesus is my daughter, my bonus daughter, my daughter-in-law, my son, your son, your daughter.

Jesus is the President, the Vice-President, the Secretary of State.

Jesus is the Deputy Chief of Staff.

Jesus is here, whether we’re ready or not.